New Beginnings

As I clamber out of the depths of my despair, searching for those silver linings, I first have to acknowledge and accept that a chapter of my life has officially closed.

I knew when I first left the classroom that there was one, and only one, High School Choir Director position I would return to the classroom for. And now that door is officially closed. What makes it bittersweet is that it most certainly would be classified as the “perfect” position (in my book):

amazing, talented students, phenomenal colleagues, a supportive community where the arts thrive, and a principal who is a choir nerd. 

Obviously perfection doesn’t exist, and I’m sure there are flaws there somewhere, but it checked all the right boxes. I had been so confident it was the place for me. But I was not the one chosen.

I was hoping to be able to channel my sadness and depression into anger, but when I learned the job was offered to an equally talented friend, even that disappeared immediately.

So what am I left with?

Fear. Anxiety. Confusion.

But also…

Questions, but not the “Why not me?” question you might expect, it’s the “What’s next?” or “What now?”. 

Curiosity. For what is in store next.

Nervousness. Because I still want to continue doing what I am now and don’t want any of these opportunities, like accompanying, like my string lessons, to go away.

And also, Hope. That pesky thing that a few days ago felt like one of the worst evils in the world, feels more like a gift today. Ideas are appearing in my head, and time is opening up to explore them.

The deep respect and appreciation and love I have developed for this place and these people still remains, which is a relief. I feared that could disappear. I still want to do what I can to ensure this program grows into one I want my children to be proud of one day.

The rejection hurt, and it hurt deeply, but I’ve experienced and overcome much worse emotional pain and trauma. Would the financial stability of a full-time job with benefits have been life changing? For sure. But we have been surviving without that and will continue to do so. And I’ll continue to have this magical freedom that has been such a blessing.

So, I move forward working through the fear, the anxiety, the nervousness, attempting to keep my curiosity and spark alive. One foot in front of the other. Taking some sage advice from Disney's Frozen II to just do the next right thing.

So here I am. The door has closed. The chapter has officially ended. I pray the next chapter will lead me back in front of a choir, but I’ll keep on keeping on, keeping my eyes up for the next opportunity to come my way.